Human Nature

Documenting another trait of human nature..completely inspired..observed in me..

Few months back,I was in a state where I wanted nothing...Forget about career..I was ready to do any compromise in my personal life...Obviously that was frustration but the span was long enough to think and re consider the decision..or throw out my frustration and think positively..but I just closed my mind..my decision and attitude remained same..sometimes i felt that I have become saint who does not want anything in life..people around me became immaterial and non-existant..I visualised myself as the unluckiest human being on earth and felt myself un-compareable to anyone around in terms of professional capability or life style..I came out of my house only for office...rest I had locked myself in the four walls..may be Iwas even scared of light..what if someone sees me and says..what a failure she is...even sometimes I thought of finishing my life..but as human nature is..we never kill ourselves in our dream also :)

But then the life changed in a blink of eye..and things happened so fast that I can not believe even now.Suddenly different nail paints started attracting me once again...i started thinking about looking good again...all the cosmetics I bought in Canada seem to be very less in quantity and variety now...Now I eat with choice and for fun..not only for sake of filling the stomach..And all of a sudden..I started feeling confident and demanding for my self and my capabilities..I want everything more now....unlike the saint I used to be..I am a completely selfish and greedy person now..I want better job.,.better salary..more satisfaction from work..want to study and imporove my self..want to explore the world..different places..want to learn business..different fields and talents..want to drive..play..dance..and above all..I want to live..once again..

I know,I can not get that time back which I lost earlier..so I am trying to live more in the time left..May be I am trying to run very fast now to combat the earlier delay..

But this extra fast run does make me tired sometimes..My mind accepted the change but my body still needs to accept this change..that will take a little more time...My mind has to slow down a little ..and give my body some time to reach up to that level..

But if u ask me..there is only one thing I wish for from deep of my heart..
Oh lord..please dont slow me down again as u did earlier..
I know you will not give me anything I cant handle..but I wish you don't trust me much..
I survived the earlier blow somehow but please not the other one..
I do not want to survive ...Now I want to live a life which I cherish when I am at my death bed..
Lord Christ..please let your kid smile now.. :)