Me and GOD..

whenever I feel that I have little control over few parts of my life..or over few decisions..or may b when I start feeling happy about atleast few things of my life..God does soemthing n tells me...No dear..I am still the supreme..you dont have any control..you have to do what I want you to do!!! and as he demands..I loose all my control n surrender to his wishes and waits for his next game with me..
Read a book recently.."JUST IN CASE"..this story is about a teenage kid who is scared of his destiny or fate who keeps playing games with him..n he gets so crazy about it that he wants to hide from his fate n tries to disguise his identity..his looks..but finally he also decides to face it..thts the end..
I visited the church today..my last visit to church here..one hymn said..you dont have anything to give to lord..surrender urself to him..
I am not arguing,fighting or disgracing anything or debating against anything..just trying to accept this fact myself..which I feel is told to me indirectly by GOD in many ways..(well I do belive in intuitions and coincidences and many have happened to me recently even..getting a newspaper of Sai baba ji where one article says "surrender yourself to me..you dont have any other option"..in my recent visit to BRARs in toronto..just when I was about to leave that place...,the last and only hymn i attended in st.Michael yesterday night said the same..and today..my last visit to any church..the last hymn I ever sang..(I suppose so..)said.."give urself to God"..may be thts the way god is telling me to proceed ahead in mid of all these worries and confusions of my life..
I always believed in destiny..in God's supremacy in all respects with full honour..but may be inspired by the comments of people for my earlier blogs and other thoughts surrounding in air around me or being as a normal human being ( wont take any blame on my attitude;-))..I also refused to accept the changes gracefully..atleast in my mind and heart..( well..I am a good stage actress..so people still cant read my feelings at my face)..But he teaches you..and he taught me...

I always talk to GOD as my frnd..I always felt that he listens to me and answers my questions ..directly or indirectly..I also fight with him badly..even with bad words also sometimes..and I am so angry with him for last one month that I am not talking to him at all now..not even looking at him..and I refused going to church also..I WAS REALLY ANGRY...OK..I went to say only GOOD BYE to him..n he talked to me again..

So..I am still angry with him..but have surrendered to him now..hold my hand and take me wherever you want..I am getting ready for your next game!!

Last Visit to st.matthew's United church - Dec 14,2008

Last hymn I sang:

What can I give him,poor as I am
If I were a shepherd,I would bring a lamb
If I were a wise man,I would do my part
ye what I can give him-give my heart.

Happy Birthday Lord Jesus

Christ is born;give him glory!
Give him glory;Christ is born!